


It's Fine

by ShenanigansEnsue



Series: Shenanigans and Imagines [48]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenanigansEnsue/pseuds/ShenanigansEnsue
Summary: Requested by Anonymouscould you write a fic where the reader has a huge crush on poe but she goes to a party with him and a few other friends and later in the night sees him dancing with and making out with some girl…?





	It's Fine

           You sat at your station filing the last reports of the evening. 

           Nothing new had coming in from any of the frequencies used to monitor the First Order’s activities.  There were also no messages from any of the spies out in the field.

           You could only hope it was because there was truly nothing to report.  Silence had a tendency to put you on edge.  At least with noise, something could be done about it.

           You were so focused on your work, you hadn’t noticed the person coming up behind you.

           “Y/N.”

           You jolted in your seat, spinning around quickly toward the voice.

           Poe looked down at you, his expression half way between an apology and a laugh.

           “Sorry.”

           You felt a small amount of heat rise to your cheeks, but you shook it off quickly.

           “It’s fine,” you said. “How was your meeting with the general?”

           “Same song, second verse,” he shrugged.  “Congratulations on a job well done, and a lecture about taking unnecessary risks.”

           “Well, she’s not wrong,” you conceded.

           He let out a small sigh accompanied by a pointed look.  

           “Can we not?”

           You fought the urge to roll your eyes, but decided to take the high road.

           “Look, all I’m saying is that she’s the general for a reason,” you said diplomatically. “Maybe you should take some of her advice to heart.”

           He looked like he wanted to argue the point, but quickly dropped the notion.  You had had this conversation on more than one occasion, having it always end in a stale mate.  

           “So, do you have another reason for your impromptu visit,” you asked, “or did you just come here to vent?”

           Poe looked thankful at the change in subject as his usual easy smile took over his features.

           “Some of the squads are planning on getting drinks tonight,” he said casually. “Rose and Paige are coming too.  Want to join us?”

           Under normal circumstances, you would say no. You weren’t huge on drinking in general, add in rowdy pilots and you were in for a hectic evening.  There had been more than one late night you’d spent half carrying, half dragging a drunk somebody back to their bunk.  But, it was Poe.  You always had a hard time saying no to him.  Besides, if he wasn’t lying about Rose and Paige, you wouldn’t be completely alone.

           “Sure,” you conceded.  “What time?”

           Poe hit you with a wide grin, leaving you melting on the spot.

           “Nine o’clock,” Poe said brightly.  “Don’t be late.”

* * *

           You ended up being only a little late to the party.

           You had spent a rather long time in front of the mirror applying and reapplying your make up over and over again before giving up entirely. You were over thinking it. It wasn’t a huge party, just a get together with friends.  You weren’t trying to impress anyone.

           Well, one person, but it wouldn’t make a difference. Poe only saw you as a friend.

           You didn’t begrudge him though.  You liked being his friend.  He was caring, funny, and always had your back no matter what. He knew you better at times than you even knew yourself.  You just wished he thought about you the same way you thought about him.

           You ended up just putting on some light make up and dressed in your normal pants, shirt, and jacket before heading out.

           Once you arrived, you were glad of the decision. Everyone kept it rather casual as they gathered in one of the hangers.  It had been converted it into a make shift cantina complete with bar and music playing over the speakers.  They were all hanging out, laughing and talking amongst themselves.

           You made your way to the bar, grabbing one of your favorite drinks before looking around the room for a familiar face.

           “Y/N!”

           You turned your head, and your mood immediately brightened. Rose was sitting at a table enthusiastically waving you over with Paige sitting beside her, giving you a half salute.

           “We were worried you weren’t going to make it,” Rose said, as you sat down.

           “I got held up with stuff,” you said apologetically.  “What’s been going on with you? I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever.”

           “Same old,” Rose shrugged. “Not really much to do lately except do minor tweaking here and there on ships.  It’d getting a little boring actually.”

           “Don’t jinx it,” Paige warned. “I’d prefer this over the alternative. Oh, by the way, you might want to track down Poe later, he was asking about you.”

           You tried to keep you face casual, even as your heart rate spike drastically and your stomach did a small back-flip.

           “He was?”

           You weren’t nearly as subtle as you thought. Paige caught it immediately, raising her eyebrow.  

           “Okay, you’ve got stop this.”

           “What?”

           “This little school girl pining,” she said bluntly. “It’s frankly getting kind of annoying.”

           “I’m not that bad.”

           “You kinda are,” Rose said awkwardly.

           You could feel the embarrassment creeping up your neck, but you held your ground.

           “Well, Poe hasn’t noticed, so there.”  

           “That’s because Poe Dameron is an idiot,” Paige added dryly.

           You opened your mouth to counter but fell just short of a rebuttal.  

           “Tough to argue,” you conceded. “But I’m not going to risk something I do have for something that is probably never going to happen.  So, can we just drop it?”

           Paige raised her hands in surrender.

           “Fine, but he was asking about you and speaking from experience, he asks about you a lot.”

           Your brows furrowed in confusion.  You were about to ask her what exactly she meant by that, when the man himself walked up to your table.  

           “Hey,” Poe greeted.  “You made it.”

           He was wearing his usual charming smile made worse by the fact he had actually bothered to clean up a bit.  You didn’t think it was legal for a man to look so good in just a plain white shirt and black jacket, and yet there he stood.

           You felt yourself gawking and only barely saved it with a small, “Yeah.”

           “You want to join us,” Rose asked.

           He looked at her as if suddenly realizing there were other people at the table besides you.

           “Sure,” he said.

           The initial shock of his arrival passed, and soon enough the four of you were settled in talking and joking with each other. Poe got on a tangent about his time at the academy, leaving you in stitches and Rose in awe. Paige as per usual kept her sentences short and to the point with always a hint of underlying sarcasm which threw Poe for a loop only making you laugh harder.

           “I’m going to get another round,” Paige announced. “Rose, can you help me?”

           Rose looked like she was about to decline, but Paige shot her with a look you didn’t quite understand.  Rose, however, seemed to and got up without protest.

           “Same all around,” she asked.

           You nodded a yes and the two sisters left leaving just you and Poe.

           “Was any of that true,” you asked, taking one last sip of the ice melting at the bottom of your glass.

           “Only the stuff that makes me look good,” Poe said with a lopsided smile.

           “So, none of it.”

           Poe gave an exaggeratedly hurt look while placing a hand over his heart.

           “Ouch.”

           You let out a laugh causing him to do so as well.

           “Well, at least you’re consistent,” you said, grinning. “Once a reckless flyboy, always a reckless flyboy.”

           “I always come back, more or less in one piece,” he shrugged.  

           “I know,” you conceded, “doesn’t stop you from being reckless or me from worrying.”

           Poe raised his eye brow, giving you a teasing smile.

           “You worry about me?”

           “Always,” you said gently.

           Poe’s smile fell, and you froze.

           You hadn’t meant it to come out like that. You meant to play along, for it to be a joke, but it was honest.  You did worry about him.  Every time you sat in the control room hearing his voice over the radio, you were in a state of panic, made worse by your inability to do anything except watch the screens and hope.  You weren’t at ease until his ship landed and his feet were securely on the ground. You hated he was so reckless with absolutely no regard on how that affected the people around him, of how it affected you.

           You could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks as your mind desperately tried to find a way to back track on your words.  

          “I mean you’re always getting into trouble,” you said, keeping your tone light. “Besides, it’s what friends do right?”

          Poe stared at you a moment, his face unreadable.

           “Yeah,” he said quietly, “yeah friends.”

           You felt your stomach begin to twist again as you looked at him.  

          As a soldier, Poe had a lot of practice keeping his face perfectly neutral, but he could never fully hide his emotions.  His eyes always gave him away.  You peered into them, trying to find some hint of what he was really trying to say.  To your surprise, all you found was confusion and hurt.

          You opened your mouth to ask him what was wrong when a woman you didn’t recognize walked up to your table.  

           “Hey Dameron,” the woman said brightly.

           “Joan, hey,” Poe said, surprised.  “Oh Joan, this is Y/N, Y/N, Joan, she’s one of the new recruits.”

           “Nice to meet you,” she said sticking out her hand.

           You took it giving a firm shake.

           Anyone with a pair of eyes could tell she was beautiful.  Her dark red hair hung loose and free around her face.  Her smile was bright, her nose was sharp, and her green eyes were looking directly at Poe.

           “Jessika is about to put on some music to really get this party started,” she said.  “I was wondering if I can grab you for the first dance.”

           Poe didn’t answer right away.  

           For a brief moment of hope, you thought he was going to say no, but then he turned to you.  You caught that same hurt in his eyes. It only lasted a moment before he quickly looked back at Joan.

           “Sure,” Poe said, giving her his signature smile.  

           Joan grinned back and pulled Poe by the hand toward the dance floor.

           You sat there in stunned silence.

           You stayed that way until Paige and Rose returned with your drinks.

           “Where’s Dameron,” Paige asked.

           You snapped out of your daze and you became aware the dull ache throbbing in your chest.  You did your best to keep it off your face as you smiled.

           “The new girl called him up for the first dance,” you said, taking your drink.

           Paige looked across the room where a cluster was starting to form around a designated dance floor.  Poe and Joan were in the middle, spinning and smiling with the music. Paige looked back at you with a sympathetic look and it only made you feel worse.

           “It’s fine,” you assured.  “It’s just one dance.  He can do what he wants.”

           Rose and Paige exchanged a look, but neither of them said anything more as they each got to work on their drinks.

* * *

           It turned out not to be all that fine.

           Poe stuck with Joan and the other pilots for the rest of the night, not even looking your way.  You tried not to let it bother you.  Poe was his own person who could hang out with whomever he wanted. Still, you kept running your last conversation over and over again in your head trying to think about what you said that could have pushed him away.

           Rose and Paige each tried to keep you occupied, telling jokes and getting you to engage in conversation rather than deep introspection.  You were thankful to them, while also feeling a little guilty.  You knew you were probably putting a damper on their night, but they persisted anyway and as the pile of empty glasses started to rise on the table, it was starting to work.

           “I think I need some water,” you said, moving out of your seat.

           “Pfft, weak,” Rose called, very much intoxicated.

           Paige just laughed, decidedly sober compared to her little sister and undoubtedly planning on being Rose’s designated guide home.

           “Do you need help,” Paige asked.

           You shook your head, only feeling a little dizzy at the action.  You were definitely buzzed, but nowhere near being full out drunk.

           “I can make it,” you promised.

           You walked to the bar without incident and order a large glass of water.  You turned your head to look around the space as you waited, smiling at the sight.  

           Everyone was having a good time.  No First Order.  No missions.  No worries.

           Your gaze eventually found its way to the dance floor and you felt a twist in your stomach.  Poe was with Joan again, swaying gently with the music. You wanted to look away, but you couldn’t.  You could feel the envy flowing through you as for a brief moment you pictured yourself in her place.  

          The spell was broken as she started to move closer to him, tilting her head upward to catch his eyes.  

          Your heart started to hammer in your chest. You needed to look away, but your whole body went ridged and you found you couldn’t move at all.  

          She pressed her lips to his.

          Your heart came to a sudden stop.  You hoped, you begged that would be the end of it. Poe would push her away or simply continue to dance like it never happened, but he didn’t.

          Poe started to kiss her back.  

           You felt sick.  You tore your eyes away back to the bar, seeing your water had been placed in front of you.  You took the glass in both hands, just to keep them steady. You chugged it down for no other reason than to just give your body something to do as the image of them kissing flashing in front of your eyes.  You could feel the tears start to form in your eyes and your breath become uneven.  

           You needed a minute.  

           Without a second thought you practically ran out of the hanger. The shock and the night air, immediately sobered you as you wandered toward the side of the hanger and pressed you back against the wall.

           You could feel your throat tighten as the pressure behind your eyes finally spilled over into tears. You gasped for air, trying to get a hold of yourself. You felt empty, like a black hole had appeared inside your chest and pulled your heart into oblivion.  Why did you have to look? Why couldn’t you have just gotten your drink and gone back to your table?  You would had heard the news in the morning, but you could had handled it then.  The news would have been broken to you slowly, not as a sudden slap in the face by your so-called friend.

           You felt immediately guilty at the thought and shook it away.

           No, Poe was still your friend.  It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same.  You were being selfish. He had every right to kiss whoever he wanted.

           It was your fault for not telling him how you felt.  It was your fault for falling for him.  Everything you were feeling at that moment was your own fault.

           The tears stopped, and your breath started to even out.

           You needed to go home.  You were going to go home, go to bed and try your best to move on.  You didn’t want to lose Poe over this.  You needed to be the bigger person and find a way to let go.

           You closed your eyes, giving yourself a moment of calm, when you heard a pair of footstep jog towards you.

          “Y/N,” Poe called.

          Your eyes snapped open, as you turned toward him.

          A look of relief took over his features as he spotted you, but it faltered as he noticed the redness still in your eyes and stains on your cheeks.

          “Are you alright?” he asked as he stepped closer to you.

          You felt your earlier resolve start to crumble but tried your best to keep your face and tone light.

           “Yeah,” you said with smile, “yeah I just needed some air.”

           Poe clearly didn’t believe you as he took a place right in front of you, examining your face carefully.

           “Did something happen,” he asked.  “Why were you crying?”

           “I wasn’t…”

          You stopped, realizing there was no point in denying it.

          “I’ve just been really stressed,” you started again. “I think I’m just going to go home.”

          You started to move past him, but were stopped when he placed his hands on your arms, lightly pushing you back in place.

          “Hey, just wait a second,” he said before dropping his hands.  “What’s going on, really?”

           You were finding it harder and harder to lie to him as you felt the pressure return.  You just needed to leave.  Everything would be alright if you could just leave.

           “It’s nothing,” you said.

           Poe’s expression changed to one of annoyance.

           “Cut the bantha fodder Y/N, seriously.”

           “I’m fine,” you assured.

           Still that look of disbelief persisted.

          “I’m fine,” you repeated. “I’m fine.  It’s fine.  I’m fine.  Everything is fine.”

           “You know, shockingly, when somebody says “it’s fine” six times in a row, it doesn’t come across that way,” Poe said sardonically.

           You averted your gaze and tried to cover it with an eye roll.

           “What do you want me to say?”

           He threw his hands up in an exasperated shrug.

           “I don’t know,” he said. “Just talk to me.  It’s me Y/N, c’mon.”

           “Exactly, it’s you.”

           “What’s that supposed to mean?”

           You didn’t answer. You kept your eyes far from Poe’s as you tried to think of something to say, but every lie you came up with would only lead to more questions.

           The longer the silence persisted, the softer Poe’s expression became.  He took a small step closer to you.

           “Y/N…”

           “I like you,” you said quietly.

           Poe froze, his eyes going wide as he stared at you.

           “What?”

           You lifted your head finally meeting his eyes. The first step to letting him go was to tell him the truth and you weren’t about to stop.

           “I like you,” you repeated.  “I really like you, but I know it’s not the same way you like me.  And that’s fine, you don’t have to.  But that doesn’t stop it from hurting when I see you with someone else.”

           Poe didn’t say anything.  He just continued to stare in stunned silence.

           You felt some of your courage beginning the fade and the twist of utter humiliation settle in your stomach.

           “I hope we can still be friends,” you said quietly.  “But right now, I just need to go home.”

           You brushed past his shoulder as you walked away, as you mask was beginning to crack and you could feel the tears return to your eyes.  

           It was then you felt him grab your arm and pull you back around, so you were standing chest to chest.  For a spit second, neither of you said anything as Poe looked deep into your eyes, searching for something. You weren’t sure what he found, but the next moment he took your face in his hands and pulled you into a deep kiss.

           Your hands feel limp at your sides as your eyes fell closed and you melted into the feeling.  His lips were soft, but urgent as they moved against yours as if at any moment you were disappear entirely.

           He pulled away first, breathing hard, and keeping his hands where they were.   It took you a moment to regain your senses as your eyes slowly opened once more to see him staring at you.

           A brief look of panic took over his face as he dropped his hands to his sides.

           “I…”

           He didn’t finish his sentence. Without a second thought you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss.

            Poe caught on immediately.  His hands went to your waist pulling you in closer as he smiled against your lips. He tugged gently on your bottom lip and you quickly obliged parting your mouth enough for him to slip in his tongue.  Your hands went to his hair gripping it tight as he moaned into your mouth.

           He spun you around pushing you back until you were flush against the hanger wall.

           You let out a small gasp of surprise, but it didn’t last long as Poe’s mouth was on yours once more. You could feel everything in the kiss; frustration, relief, joy, love, everything came through as he pushed his body against yours.  

           You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, but eventually you both pulled away breathing in each other’s air as you regained your breath.  Poe rested his forehead against yours as a small smile appeared on his face.

           “I like you too,” he said gently.

           You felt the urge to laugh but it faded as you met his eyes.

           “Why didn’t you say anything before?” you asked.

           Maybe it was the fact you had been kissing him senseless, but you though you saw his ears turn a little red as he gave a slightly awkward look.  

           “I didn’t think I had a chance with you to be honest.  You’re beautiful, and funny, and smart, and way too good for me.  I’m surprised you even gave me the time of day.”

           You knew you were blushing, but there was still a lingering doubt.

           “So, what was that with Joan?”

           A small flash of guilt appeared on his face as he looked downward.

           “Me trying to move on,” he said quietly. “It wasn’t working.”

          He lifted his gaze back to yours, staring at you curiously.  

          “Why didn’t you say anything?”

          You felt your own jolt of guilt and embarrassment go through you.

           “Same song second verse,” you confessed. “You’re Poe Dameron, the Resistance’s golden boy who can get whoever he wants just by smiling at them. I guess I didn’t want to compete knowing I would lose.”

           To your surprise, Poe let out a soft chuckle as the corners of his eyes crinkled into a smile.

           “Believe me, it was never a competition,” he said matter-of-factly. “You’re it Y/N, first and last.”

           You couldn’t think of what to say to that. Instead, you simply kissed him, hoping your actions could speak louder than words.

           The kiss was gentler this time around.  The urgency and the pent-up emotions had been put to rest.  It was just you and Poe and the happiness you felt in each other’s arms.

           Poe pulled away first, smiling as he did so.

           “Do you still want to go home,” he asked.

           “Only if you come with me,” you said softly.

           He didn’t hesitate.  Taking your hand, he pulled you across the tarmac, the pair of you smiling and laughing the whole wa

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you like this, check out my tumblr @ https://shenanigans-and-imagines.tumblr.com
> 
> Please leave a comment and kudos if you are so inclined.


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